


The Snowdown

by PoboboProbably



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Other, Snowball Fight, Sun Tzu hasn't got shit on these bitches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:23:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13260663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoboboProbably/pseuds/PoboboProbably
Summary: Lera and Aren Trevelyan, everyone's favorite pair of interdimensional time traveling sisters and/or best friends, get into a snowball fight at Skyhold. We soon find out that these bitches are fucking ruthless.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Zenith931](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zenith931/gifts).



Aren listened to the satisfying crunch of snow beneath her feet. She exaggerated each step, elongating the scratchy noise and savoring every compression. Several paces to her right, Lera did the same. Skyhold’s position high up in the mountains had many advantages, practical and otherwise. The abundance of snow was definitely in the latter category.

“Don’t you just love the snow, Lera?” she called.

“I suppose it’s alright,” came the reply from her unenthused sister, who hadn’t bothered to face Aren when speaking to her. _That’s a bit rude_ , Aren thought.

“Just alright? I adore it.”

“Not the only thing you adore, from what I’ve heard. Cullen’s been shaving, hasn’t he?” she teased.

Aren didn’t bother answering. Instead, she balled up a clump of snow in her palms, having thought up the perfect way to get Lera to truly appreciate the snow. She held back a devious snicker before getting her sister’s attention.

“Oh, Lera!” she cried. Upon seeing her turn, she hurled the snowball in her sister’s direction, hitting her square in the chest and earning herself a confused stare.

“What was that for?!” Lera shouted, balling up her own bit of snow and throwing it back at Aren. She didn’t bother dodging, and instead let the snow crash upon her shoulder. Now they had a fight on their hands.

“No reason!” Aren responded giddily. Then, oddly enough, Lera turned her back again, making herself the perfect target. But it was too late. The fight had already begun, and Aren was through going easy on her sister.

She balled up even more snow than last time and launched it through the air on a collision course with the back of Lera’s head, which recoiled from the impact. Lera turned and shook herself free of the white powder that now caked her hair. She looked furious.

“What the fuck, Aren?!” she asked, already bending down to make more ammunition. Aren did not plan on giving her another free shot, however. She dodged left when the snow came flying and tried her best to scoop up more snow while moving quickly. Lera angrily ordered her to stay still, a command which she happily ignored.

Snow began flying this way and that, with each combatant sustaining several hits, though neither gave up on the fight. By Aren’s estimation, she’d hit Lera in the face three times now, while her own face had only been hit twice. Between them, successful body shots were too many to count.

Then, as if on cue, a ceasefire. Lera stood directly across from Aren, seething and out of breath. The skin on her hands was raw from so much direct contact with snow. Looking down at her own palms, Aren guessed she probably didn’t look much better than her adversary, also noticing that her breathing was a bit ragged as well. They stared each other in the eyes, determined fury on both of their faces. There were no words, but the expressions they wore said plenty. This would be over soon.

Lera charged suddenly, managing to tackle Aren and pin her down with her legs. She laughed sadistically as she sprinkled snow directly over her face. Such a taunt would not be tolerated. Aren wiggled free of Lera’s grasp and brought her knees to her chest, kicking out with both legs to put Lera on her back.

Then she sprang up, years of combat training guiding her movements as she leapt forward before Lera could get to her feet. But she would not fall victim to the same technique she’d just used. Knowing Lera’s tenacity, she prevented her move from being used against her. Instead of straddling Lera while she was on her back, she turned her over on her stomach with a forceful shove from her boot. She lowered herself onto Lera’s back and placed her hands on the back of her head. Though she put up a good fight, Lera was no match for her. Aren shoved downward until Lera’s face was planted firmly in the snow, a muffled but furious cry emanating from the ground beneath.

Victory at last.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been two days since Aren rudely assaulted her with snow, seemingly without provocation. Had she insulted her unwittingly? Taken a bottle of wine that was hers? Was her comment about Cullen’s shaving more offensive than she’d realized? It didn’t matter. Lera was beyond caring. The only thing on her mind now was vengeance. Justice would be done.

She’d come prepared this time. Two burlap sacks full of very compact snowballs now sat at her sides, and now all that remained was to wait for her prey to step into view. She stood behind the corner of the Herald’s Rest, where she knew Aren was currently drinking. Constant watch would have to be maintained until Aren left in order for the plan to work. Thankfully, Lera’s drive for revenge far outweighed her impatience.

_Two hours later…_

“See you later, Sera,” Aren lazily called as she approached the building’s exit. Finally. The time had come. Lera would see herself avenged. Just one more step. One more ill-fated step, and then…

Acting quickly, Lera pelted Aren with snowballs from behind. Having prepared them beforehand, they were much better constructed, and therefore much easier to aim and much harder hitting. Aren was defenseless, just as Lera had planned. The snow pounded her face and chest with unrelenting force as Lera expended all the ammunition in her first sack. If any cries from Aren were shouted during the onslaught, Lera didn’t hear them or didn’t care to heed them. With the first sack now empty, and with Aren’s arms still uselessly trying to provide cover to her face, Lera picked up the second sack and swung it directly into Aren’s back, taking her off her feet with a pathetic and breathless grunt.

But now she was tired, and she didn’t feel like throwing each of the new balls individually, especially not when such a swift and decisive victory had already been claimed. In any case, most of them had probably broken with the impact anyway. Satisfied, Lera planted her boot on the small of Aren’s back and turned the second sack over, dumping the snow directly onto Aren’s head.

There. The matter was settled. She and Aren were even.


	3. Chapter 3

Aren sat on the hill with her knees close to her chest, idly practicing chord shapes with her left hand while she waited for Lera to emerge. Outside of the castle, the mountain air was much colder. That made waiting a bit more uncomfortable, sure, but it also meant that Lera’s punishment would be all the more severe. She ran her tongue back and forth over the cut Lera’s assault had produced on her lip. If she hadn’t been quick enough getting to Vivienne, it might actually have scarred. The gall.

Next to her, an enormous boulder of snow sat at the precipice of a steep ramp, begging to be let loose. She’d managed to convince the Iron Bull to ask Lera to meet him outside the castle around mid-day. Lera was notoriously punctual. That made her predictable. Easy prey. Her good manners would be her downfall. 

Of course, the Bull wasn’t actually waiting outside the castle. He was in the tavern, like always, drinking the same swill with the Chargers that he always did. Not that Lera knew, of course. Aren had been watching. She’d spent the entire morning in Blackwall’s company, and hadn’t even approached the Herald’s Rest. Any minute now, she would emerge from underneath the portcullis and meet her doom.

Sure enough, the wait was over. Lera took a few tentative steps out of the castle until she happened upon the note Aren had planted on the ground to ensure her target was stationary. Lera, perplexed, took up the note and began reading it aloud.

“Lera,” she began, “it with great regret that I must inform you of my sudden departure from this place. I know I, the Iron Bull, promised to meet you here at mid-day, but if you look to your right, you’ll see the reason for my absence.”

This was it. The crucial moment. Everything now depended on Lera listening to her instincts and defying the letter’s orders. The tension mounted until finally, Lera furrowed her brows in annoyance and turned to her left. Just as expected. With her back turned to the ramp, she stood no chance of seeing the boulder coming and moving out of the way. Victory was assured.

Aren gave the snow boulder a light shove and watched with glee as it barreled directly toward its target, gathering mass along the way. It plowed straight through Lera, flattening her in an instant and, as an added bonus, making her pants look as though she’d soiled them.

“Give my regards to the Bull!” Aren cried before making her escape.


	4. Chapter 4

Lera sat on a bench behind the Iron Bull, anxiously looking around to make sure the coast was still clear. 

“Uh, boss?” he asked.

“What?”

“Remind me again why you tied an elastic band to my horns?”

“It doesn’t matter. Just stay still.”

After the last time Aren had humiliated her with a snowy defeat, Lera was through playing games. Now it was personal. Now it was serious. Her ankle still didn’t feel quite normal after being crushed by the boulder, and that was not something she was willing to forgive. She rolled the snowball in her palms. Even more compact than the ones she’d packed last time, this one was sure to be quite a devastating projectile. 

“I just don’t get it, boss. Why do I have to stand here? The sling keeps dragging on my neck, and it itches.”

“Don’t you Qunari have some sort of itching ritual for overcoming mild inconveniences? Just pretend it’s that,” Lera snapped.

“That was physical pain meant to overcome fears, and the only reason I needed it was for stupid Fade crap. This is just annoying, and I’d really like to take it off.”

“Well, you can take it off when we’re finished. For now, just—shit! She’s here!”

“What? Who’s here?”

“No one, just shut up and stay still!”

Lera raced to clamber onto the stumps she’d set up behind the Bull to give herself a firing platform. Ignoring his uncomfortable grunts as she pulled back on the sling, she set Aren in her sights and loaded the snowball into the pocket. Just a little more…

She released the tension on the sling, surprising even herself with the speed at which the snow flew through the air. It crossed over a hundred feet in a single moment, nailing Aren directly on the forehead with a dusty explosion and putting her on her back with a damp thud. She wasn’t moving.

“Holy shit, boss!”

“I know,” Lera gasped incredulously.

“Is she hurt?”

“I’m not sure. Probably just unconscious. Well done, Bull.”

“Well done? You mean that was supposed to happen?!”

“I mean, no, not really. That’s not the result I expected. It’s even better than I’d hoped, actually.”

“We should check on her, don’t you think?”

“Eh,” Lera sighed. “She’ll be fine. Look, she’s twitching a bit, see? Fine.”


	5. Chapter 5

Aren ran her fingers over the welt on her forehead. She supposed it was only fair. After all, she’d used the Bull for her own purposes during her last attack on Lera, so it only made sense that her enemy would return the favor. Though, she had to admit, Lera’s use of the Bull was decidedly more vicious than her own. She learned after the fact that apparently, Lera had tied an elastic band to the Bull’s horns in order to fashion a slingshot. A very effective slingshot. Aren was still having a bit of trouble keeping time since the attack three days ago. Or was it four? 

It didn’t matter. Lera was climbing her favorite wall again. She was nothing if not predictable. 

Predictability could get you killed in the Game. Lera was about to learn that lesson the hard way. Her favorite climbing spot on the castle was the battlements just behind the barn. The same barn that Aren now stood on. The same barn with a thin rope attached to it that led to a pulley on the outside edge of the battlements and kept a sack full of loose snow—and a few rocks—in place on the edge of the inner wall directly above Lera’s climbing path. It was almost too easy. The sun was directly overhead, so Lera couldn’t look up comfortably and spot the rope. Additionally, she was too intently focused on the handholds in front of her to pay attention to anything else. 

Waiting for the right time to strike was trivial. Aren would simply have to wait for Lera to reach the top of the wall before cutting the rope. Of course, then she ran the risk of Lera noticing the sack, but perhaps that would only make revenge all the sweeter.

Lera’s grip remained admirably strong, even with her slightly weakened ankle slowing her climb. Finally, she reached the top, only to notice the burlap sack teetering on the edge. Taking a forced break from the climb, she poked at the sack. No doubt, she now realized what was inside it.

“Oh shit,” Lera sighed.

“Oh, shit indeed,” Aren taunted from behind her. “You know, Lera, you really should stop making yourself such an easy target.”

Then she cut the rope. At once, the sack rolled off the edge and collapsed on top of Lera, knocking her clean off the wall and into the ground waiting below. Once the dust had settled, Lera lay on her back staring straight up into Aren’s eyes from behind a mask of white powder.

“You bitch!”

“Oh, it was only a few meters! Don’t be such a crybaby!”

“This isn’t over!” Lera breathlessly threatened.

“Maker, I should hope not! This would be a rather sorry state for you to end things in, don’t you think?”

Aren punctuated her last bit of teasing with a single snowball, tossed from the top of the barn directly onto Lera’s chest.


	6. Chapter 6

Aren would regret ruining Lera’s favorite hobby. Well, second favorite anyway, Lera thought, remembering the Herald’s Rest. Still, blood demands blood, and Aren’s debt would soon be paid in full. Lera climbed up onto the roof of Cullen’s bedroom—if you could call it that—and waited for Aren to enter with him and do what comes natural. The way those two went at it, the wait couldn’t be terribly long. 

Lera judged rightly, it seemed, by climbing up while Aren and Cullen were off sparring. She didn’t even have time to get bored before the two of them got to work. She peered through the gaps in the wood, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Once Aren was fully naked, she would leap down and litter the room with snow. It would be grand.

Aren wasted little time getting undressed, so Lera thought it best to give her enough time with Cullen to really get situated. The more disruptive the attack, the better.

Finally, just as the _oohs_ and _aahs_ were starting, Lera swung her sack of snowballs over her shoulder and lowered herself down onto the main floor. Owing to their distraction, she didn’t even have to be sneaky about it. Lera calmly opened up the sack wide enough to make grabbing the snowballs easy on her and, after a slight pause to admire her own genius, began hurling the snow at the two lovers on the bed in front of her. 

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!” Aren shouted, feebly trying to block snow with her palm.

“Maker’s breath, this has to stop!” Cullen cried, diving for cover behind the bed. 

Lera simply cackled over the complaints and continued pummeling them both with snow until she exhausted her supply.

“Is it over?” he asked cautiously, now that the room was silent.

Aren’s eyes narrowed. “Not hardly.”

“Well,” Lera began, “I think my work here is done. Please, don’t stop on my account. As you were,” she finished with a grin before exiting the room. Still within earshot, Lera overheard the start of a no doubt hilarious conversation, but eavesdropping was not her place.

“You heard her,” Aren said.

“What?!”

“You didn’t think we were actually done, did you? Get back up. You too, Cullen.”


	7. Chapter 7

_Really, Lera? Did you have to stoop to such low tactics?_

Aren had to admit Lera’s latest act of revenge was rather hilarious, though she couldn’t help but feel that the tactics she used were beneath her. For someone as tenacious and formidable as Lera, that sort of ambush was rather uninspired.

_It’s unworthy of you_ , she thought, finishing up the knot that held shut the trapdoors she’d set up. Soon, she would pile snow on top of it, and then once Lera and Blackwall got comfortable on the hay bales, she’d cut the rope.

Perhaps she was being a bit uninspired herself, having used a rope already in her last retaliation. Not like it mattered much. All’s fair in love and war, as they say, and this was most certainly a war. Plus, the only bards with honor are dead ones, and Aren’s heart was still beating.

A few hours and several shovelfuls of snow later, the trap was set, and all that remained was to wait for Lera and Blackwall to spring it. After a night of drinking, they inevitably returned to their favorite spot. Aren generously allowed them a few minutes to get started before getting to work herself. She walked up to the barn, close enough to see the rope she tied on the ceiling. A drunken Lera was not observant enough to notice it, and the distraction made Aren’s job tonight very easy.

Sighing with satisfaction, and perhaps a trace of pity, she drew her bow, took aim at the rope, and fired.

“Son of a bitch!” Lera screamed.

“What was that?” Blackwall asked, sounding as though he thought they were under fire.

“ _That_ was Aren. I know you can hear me! Your days are numbered, you bitch!”

Aren stifled her laughter, taunting back, “don’t stop on my account, Lera! As you were!”

Lera could only muster an enraged growl in response. _Another job well done, Aren_.


	8. Chapter 8

“Dorian!” Lera shouted.

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“I need you to make an ice mine for me,” she said flatly.

“A what? Is this for your silly snow war with Aren?”

“It’s important.”

“No, it most certainly is not!” Refusal. Lera wasn’t much in the mood for refusal.

“Yes it is.”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Dorian, as Inquisitor, I _order_ you to—“

“ _As Inquisitor_? Now that is a phrase you don’t often use. Are you really so worked up about this?” he asked. Worked up? Lera’s head was cool. She wasn’t worked up about anything.

“Dorian, you need to put an ice mine directly in front of the door to Aren’s quarters so that I can finally put an end to this stupid snow war and claim my undeniable victory over her! She needs to know the taste of defeat so foul she’ll never again have the strength to chase victory!” See? Perfectly calm.

“Lera, as your friend, I must tell you that I really don’t think that’s a good idea. In fact, it’s quite terrible.”

“Dorian…” she growled. “I gave you an order. Follow it.”

“I didn’t join the Inquisition so that I could murder one of its leaders, you know! If I had, you’d both already be dead, and I’d be in charge. Incidentally, the castle would also be much better decorated.”

First he refused an order, and then he insulted her and Aren’s decoration? This would not stand.

“If you won’t help me, Dorian, then I’ll just have to ask Solas. Or Vivienne. What are the odds they’ll say no to me, do you think? I’d place them rather low.”

“That’s not a gamble I’d make. If I were that stupid, I’d have joined the Venatori.”

“This really isn’t the time to—“

“Speaking of Venatori,” a third voice loudly declared, “the new prisoners just arrived! Exciting, isn’t it?”

Lera narrowed her eyes. _Aren_. 

“What? Am I interrupting something?”

“No. I definitely wasn’t plotting your demise or anything.”

“ _My_ demise? Who cares about my demise? There are Venatori prisoners being put into cells as we speak, Lera!”

“What of it?”

“Haven’t you been wanting to test out that new bow of yours? We could string them up on the battlements and use them as targets!”

“That’s enticing, I'll admit. And didn’t you just have Dagna put a new rune on one of your daggers?”

“I did! A corrupting rune! I heard it’s supposed to steal the life right out of their veins!”

“Now that I’d like to see!”

“Good! Me too! So let’s go.”

“Let’s get my bow then,” Lera said, walking side by side with her sister as they began making their way toward the ill-fated Venatori. “By the way, I couldn’t help but notice the last time I hit you with snow…”

“Yes?”

“Cullen _has_ been shaving!”


End file.
